the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
