You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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