Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
