we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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