Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
