capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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