I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cut my penus on the lid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to calm my uterus...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
