sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
