But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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