It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
