Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
