Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
