I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize