All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
