Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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