i barfeds in our rink
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
