Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she smelled like a LAN party
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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