I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
