we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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