And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize