Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize