the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
