don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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