yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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