you would pick up someone in the library
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
