I just saw a hot homeless man
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
