if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
