God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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