Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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