There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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