it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
