he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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