Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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