you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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