I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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