She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had sex on a roof
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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