I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
