I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
