Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
