i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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