i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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