i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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