Buhtt sex?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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