im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
