im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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