Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
