I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
