Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
