the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
