You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
