Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize