my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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