Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
