please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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