i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
