it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
