i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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