Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
