he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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