Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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