I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
