over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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