I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
