My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize