It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
