Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
