Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
