One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
