Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
