addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
