That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
