You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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