the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
