The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
