You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
two words...techno handjob
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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