Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
