Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
