You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
