You work out of a Hotel?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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